the grifter

the felt hat the worn trench coat
the smell of old whiskey lingering like a lovers perfume
a pack of cards that never leaves his hands
and a smile that would warm your dead grandmother
just one more game I am sure you'll beat him this time

a grifter at heart and a drifter by necessity
seen every small town
and knows every shabby dive with a decent bourbon

A tired stride in his step though
needs that one big score
cant keep living off these nickels and dimes

story ideas for later

I had a dream last night and I remember thinking wow that would make a cool story you should write it down and I did in me dream. So fuck here I am trying to remember it now and get it down.

It had to do with a murder in a sort of Salvador Dali world of weird people and exaggerated backgrounds and characters. Of course the main Character was a PI called in by the sister of the murder victim to take a look at the case because the cops have shelved it as just another unsolved murder. Anyway details hazy lots I don't remember but the middle is the stuff that gets filled in later anyway it was the ending that stuck with me. It turns out he was murdered in a different dimension but that every variation of him was killed when he died. Fuck I dont even know how that works so many plot holes. Gahh something in there just strikes a chord though and if I don't jot it down it will be gone for good. Something to mull over I guess.

where is that fucking van

well there are 5 of us here and it is all going to shit
dammit man where is that fucking van
the heist is going to shit
that one guy you said was cool
well damn if he isn't an informer
where is that fucking van
we are going to go and live on islands
have our own pet monkeys
they will get our drinks and throw their own shit at our enemies
something evil that will fight in armor
I can't believe that fucking van isn't here yet
it is like that scene from heat
running down the road firing at everyone in site
this can't end well
there won't be any monkeys for us
going to go out like Bonnie and Clyde
gurgling to death on my own blood
still pulled a heist and you didn't

one more pill one more drink can you believe that this drive way isn't mine

still in bed I think it might be three pm
can't get up won't get up
an evening of writing
an evening of reading
can you tell

watching poor country boys kill and die
while even poorer foreigners watch their country crumble
and no one cares
thats right talk a lot of platitudes
but no one really gives a fuck
let them fight let them die
just don't fucking get in the way of my christmas shopping

still writing still reading
I know you don't you care
I am having a hard time caring myself

written to many words nothing is safe keep your snow cones under lock and key

emptying the blood from your head
just another xmas tradition
used to be a superman
now you are nothing more then a super bleeder
I will never hold you again
and thats a good thing
I am just a liar
have you seen my snow cone
you always hated bad news
lead you to believe that it was my snow cone
now it is gone and so are you
hope you got abducted by an alien
did they give you a snow cone
do you still tell that story about the aliens
your country kicked in my door
throwing weapons at my house
I know you are rambunctious
left your troops for a sleep over
they took all my ice cream
but no one but me noticed
everyone else was watching TV
and now you are alone
I hope you are happy
and I want my snow cone back

If this is you please kill yourself

I hate moshing and I hate moshers. I know this makes me sound old and I guess I am feeling a little older but fuck all I want to do is dance and have a good time at a show not defend myself from smelly punks throwing themselves at me. I understand why people mosh I mean shit I used to be one of those fuckin people, but it just isn't fun anymore it just seems stupid now. I am content to sip my beer and hang in the back and let the music wash over me. As a side note live music is soooooooo good. I know everyone says this but it can't be expressed enough. It is such a different experience. I guess I just wish that more of the music I like was played at good venues in town here.
Oh and just so you don't think I am some hippy loving softy now that I hate moshers well I hate hippy flail dancing even more although the stink is comparable. Just trade stale beer and cigarettes, for petuli and soy farts. Fucking hippies.

ok so a few of you might have noticed that I am a bit of a cynical son a bitch. Now I have been sitting around surfing the net drnking a few wobbly pops and watching tv shows I cant get and have noticed that those made by people my age are well really really dark. For instance Robot chicken. My god man it is every tv show I grew up watching turned evil and dark. Fuck I love it. At the same time though what does this say about my generation. We believe in nothing and think that everything is going to turn out like shit. Huh.
Well it fuckin made me laugh so in the spirit of cynicism fuck you all I hope die slow painful deaths and that people will laugh at them
ha ha

Well that bottle is staring back at me empty
so I am pretty sure that my self medication is done
all I have to do now is a little home surgery
a personal lobotomy or a cerebral scrub
take out all those parts that remind me of you

cut away cut it all out
done and gone don't need this pain anymore

yeah just a little dissection
just like operation hope I don't get shocked
because all I am doing is removing the pieces of you
that you couldn't take yourself

PIGS ARE FUCKING STUPID

So I am walking to the bus stop this evening with my girlfriend and we are having a rather loud discussion about religion. I loudly called her a copout for being agnostic. Next thing I know there is a cop pulled over beside us asking for my ID. He was irate and kept telling my why I was trying to impress my girlfriend by yelling abuse at cops. He asked for my idea and refused to listen to anything I had to say. He then threatened to arrest me for disturbance when I protested his version of the events. In the end he let me go with a "warning". The whole incident left me feeling raped and extremely pissed off. This cop was so blatantly already having a bad day and was just looking for someone to take it out on. GAHHHHHHH and fucking cops wonder why no one likes them FUCK I am still shaking I am so mad. Anyway thats my rant fuck the pigs my they all rot in a festering hell getting cornholed for no reason at all.

FUCK!!! I am shooting myself in the foot. I need to finish this stupid ethics paper already. Gahh just want to write it all down and be done.

almost 25 and buried in debt
what have I got to show for it
en empty bottle of whiskey and a life of regret
those good times just went by to fast
and it seems like like those dark days will never end
flying my own flag keeping it at half mast
while all I do is spill my tired and angry words
onto the back of this beer stained coaster

I recently read an article by one of my favorite writers Warren Ellis in which he advocates puppy punching as a new Olympic sport. This seems like an idea with great potential to me. It would have to be done in a way similar to that of figure skating my opinion. It would be done to music and points would be awarded for style, technique, as well as rhythm. Heck to appease all those puppy lovers out there it could even be changed to ugly mammal baby beating. In any case it would be the only sport that manages to truly encapsulate the Olympic themes properly. That of beating to death something that was once pure.

staring out at the ocean as it stretches its liquid surface to the horizon
so open and full of mystery
a single gull circles and dives to sit atop the rolling water
been sitting here so long I can not tell if it is the water lapping at the land or the other way around
I scream as loud as I can but the sound gets eaten up by the crashing of the waves
dip a finger in and feel the cold darkness grasp my hand
a lonely looking figure stares up at me from the water
beckoning me in to sink below the surface
to a place where pain no longer has a home

Even better then crack

I have an addiction. I can't get enough playoff hockey. I don't know what it is but every year at about this time I am glued to the tv while everyone else I know is out enjoying the beginning of spring. There is is just something about the intensity and the marathon like battle that draws me back every time, and thats just between me and my liver, the one on the ice is even better. So for the next five weeks goodbye to stable nerves and a healthy demeanor.

A rant brought to you by the good Reverand Chuck Swindle

I have a paper due soon about why I think objective morality is to "queer"(how the proff has it on the sheet) to believe. So as a way of studying (ok fine I was procrastinating) I have been watching the religious channel. It never fails to get me angry and pissed off to the point of rolling on the floor frothing at the mouth while shouting random obscenities about dinosaurs at the TV. While recovering from one such episode I began to think there might be a connection between my inability to take seriously objective moral codes such as Kant's and Mill's and my utter distaste towards formal religion. It comes down to belief and what belief means to you and how it shapes the way you act. If a person holds that their beliefs are objectively true then they act as if they were for everybody else as well. Their is almost a sense of domination involved where what you believe, if it is objectively true, is what I have to believe to. In fact what you are believing should be self evident to me as a rational human being according to people who give their beliefs such standing. This kind of thinking has built into it a sense of arrogance and entitlement. It could be argued that much of the violence of this world has been caused by such rational. From Bush 2 "bringing" democracy to the middle east, to battles between Shiites and Sunnis. There is always an element of "I know what is true and why the hell cant you see that" to the whole thing.
In a perfect world it would be possible for everyone to accept and understand that what they experience and know and believe is exactly that theirs. Yet we don't live in a perfect world so the theory has to account for the fact that people are forced to come together and interact in ways that create society through necessity. In doing so people have to reach agreements and understanding. They can agree on the things that make up our common practices within the group. That isn't to say that they all agree on the things that make up the big picture like what happens after we die and what does it all mean etc, but the small things that make it possible for people to interact and function in a society. The ideas that make up a persons core beliefs are theirs and theirs alone. others may also share beliefs like it but it is still shaped by the fact that it is yours. Once everyone realizes that the most subjective thing in the world is beliefs then perhaps the world can move on to a new age. How diverse and utterly bizarre would such a world be. I don't know how to bridge that gap. I am caught by the logic of my own argument. It seems self evident to me to the point of despair and frustration that the world can only be seen subjectively and should be by everyone else to. Maybe if we moved tolerance into the position in our beliefs that is now held be equality. Instead of seeing all beliefs as equal because we do seem to agree that some ideas are better then others, why not just be tolerant that difference exists. It is this difference that helps define what we are, for without it we are all the same and therefore are nothing. Embrace difference and subjectivity and revel in the fact that it makes possible existence.

wow that was a lot more writing then I had planned on doing. I will have to read this later when I am not strung out on energy drinks and bong hits and see if it still sounds as interesting.

All I can hear in the stillness of the night is my shallow breathing
The only thing I can see is the blinking of the clock
It is so late and this big bed feels so empty
Huddling under the covers trying to keep warm
Yet I just can't seem to stop shaking

I wonder where you are on this night and if you ever think of me
I want to close my eyes and escape the solitude
But even there I am haunted by your absence
Shattered dreams of separation and loss
There is no where I can hide

Please come back to bed and hold me through one more night
Tell me lies about how everything will be ok
I want to feel safe and I want to feel loved
Just lie to me and tell me this will last forever
Because I don't want to feel like this anymore

the words are slowly spilling from my fingers
each vowel and consonant
dripping like the life blood of language onto the screen
a pitter patter spreading into paragraphs
nothing but groups of letters
what new combination will appear next
is there a will to what I say
or is that only on reflection

I have had a hard time coming up with a good rant now for awhile and I blame it on my general sense of happiness. Things right now are going pretty good for me. Though only rants I have in me right now would have to do with having to write papers, but dammit everyone I know has this problem so there is no need for me to illuminate it to everyone. The only other one that springs to mind is why the fuck is revelstoke so so so far away from victoria. I mean what the hell is with that anyway. Jesus sure fell asleep on switch for this one. I am sure once my papers are all cleared out of the way and I start reading the newspaper on a daily basis again this page will be full of anger and bile but until then you all have a good day.

Death of a Dream

Ok warning people if you read comics and haven't read Captain America 25 and you want to then read no further SPOLIERS!!!!!
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It caught me by surprise, I mean he made it out of Civil War so I thought he was in the clear, none the less Captain America is dead. This is pretty big as far as the Marvel universe goes. I would put it on par with the death of Superman, but I think this death has a bit more of a social context then sups did. It happens just as Civil War has wrapped up and the Marvel universe is know moving on in a new direction, as is the world at large. The question the writers lead us to became, is there a place in this new world for Captain America. The Answer is apparently no. The America that he stood for no longer exists and the dream that went along with it is dead. Tony Stark wins which means security has finally trumped liberty. This is what happens in Civil War, and this is personified in the death of Captain America. He was a champion for all those that believed in the America that gave us "give me liberty or give me death". He fought the Nazis for these ideals and finally he fought against those he used to call friend for those ideals. It remains to be seen who, if anyone, will pick up the torch that has fallen with his death. If the final pages of Civil War are any indication it will be the Punisher. This would so weird and fitting in a certain sense though. I have always seen the Punisher as just Captain America for a different generation, one that had to deal with all the horror that the Vietnam war brought. So if Punisher does take over there could be some really cool themes and stories to be explored. One being how did we lose that dream what happened to all those high ideals that once were held in such high regard. Are people that scared of all the threats out there that they really feel the lose of liberty is payable price for security. Are such things as detention without trial, torture, and murder practices that are now deemed to be necessary. These are all questions raised by Civil war and the fallout from it. Man it is a good time to be reading comics.

300

HOLY SHIT!!!!! I just finished watching a sneak preview of the movie 300 and it was fucking amazing. This movie fulfilled all the desires I had for it. It looked visually impressive and at points it looked like david lynch might have had a hand in these movie due to the utter insanity of some of the scenes. I mean a goat playing a lute, I had flash back to twin peaks. Then there were the action scenes. Every fight scene slowed down to the point where you can see all the action in its blood splattering goodness. I have never seen a head getting cut off look so cool. I really can't say enough about this movie it was that good.

It has been a while since I last posted and I should probably apologize to all my faithful readers. Since I don't have any well fuck I won't. I have been busy the last few weeks what with reading break and a new girl in my life. All these things lead me to not be in front of my comp screen as often. In any case here is an update.

Reading break in Big White
What else can I say I love snowboarding. This can not be emphasized enough. When I am on the mountain nothing else matters. It is at this moment that I truly feel the most free. The trip was fucking amazing. We got the party started on the bus ride there with the traditional passing of the fireball. 2 bottles before we even got the hostel. We then proceeded party like you only can on the first night. None the less I still manged to get up at 8 the next morning and hit the slopes. The first day though was a blizzard. Visibility was next to nill but hey the snow was great so who cares. After another night of drinking games(damn ozzies) the day was sunny and beautiful and so much fresh snow. It was like waking up in heaven. The day was spent pounding through fresh tracks and dropping cliffs amongst tree runs. The best run of the trip happened this day. After a little break in the woods to partake in some ross rebligati steroids if you know what I mean we hit some untouched powder directly under the chairlift. It was perfect people watching is always a rush and the desire to not fuck up adds a little pressure but ohhh it was such a good run and I managed to push myself the whole way down making turns that anyone could be proud of. Back to the hostel for another night of drinking games and then another sunny day. Yet another night of drinking games and one more day on the hill in another blizzard. The last night was the final hurrah and the fireball was broken out again. After that it was just a bus ride and a ferry ride home. All in all an amazing trip that was much needed.

Heroes, it is better then reading the Return

Heroes. It had been all over TV for a while now and I have to admit that I tried my best to avoid most of the hoopla. I mean come on basically a comic on tv these things always suck. Well I just finished watching the first six episodes and DAMN! The whole thing was actually pretty good. To the point where every cliff hanger ending left me needing to watch the next one, just like a good comic. Not only that the story itself reminds me of Warren Ellis' New Universal, except a little less, well a little less like Warren Ellis was writing it. Which in itself isn't necessarily a bad thing. It is just a little less out there and violent. Although I will admit all the scenes with wolverine as a cheerleader made me cringe. You know that whole healing factor thing is lot more gross then it seems on paper. anyway since I know that you have all been waiting for me to pass judgment before letting yourself watch it, I will. It is good, go fucking watch it. Maybe if enough people do we will see more interesting takes on the super hero genre on mainstream tv.

My buddy Al the zombie is a jackass
he ate all my friends and is looking at me
I know what he is thinking
or in his case not thinking
and it is probably for the best
because although Al is good to watch the game with
his conversational skills don't go beyond
Grrrrrrrrr Ahhhhhhhhh
and since it is just me and him
well I hope I taste better then I look

ok so bear me out. President Lincoln gets shot by an assassin, but the bullet merely severs the connection between his left and right brain. So the man lives but slowly becomes more and more twisted. Can you imagine a racist Lincoln. Dear god man what a travesty of nature, but ah think of the story possibilities. Do the people just go along with a slowly degenerating president or do some revolt. Maybe his inner circle decides it is better to off him. All the while his changed policies are running amok within a newly unified America. Think about the utter depths of depravity one could take such a cherished American hero, while at the same time portraying the same beliefs he stood for in an entirely different way

Alright all your rotten motherfuckers reading this nonsensical madness I have had an idea. I am going to try and lay down a list off the top of my head of cds I feel everyone should listen to. If you disagree with any of my choices I say fuck you and give me a reason why, or sit the back down and keep rocking to that REO speedwagon cd. Alright with that cleared up here it goes.


Sublime- every cd, really just do it

Propagandhi- I can't pick which one because they are so different and I go through phases with each one. As of this moment though I would say Potemkin City limits. It is such a hard and fast album it will knock the trendy button right off your shoulder bag.


Slightly Stoopid: Acoustic Roots- this is my favorite acoustic album. Any time you feel like you just need to relax and maybe melt into the sofa for like 45 minutes or so this is the album to take you there. There are enough reggae hits on here to make any person wanna get baked and stare at the music for a awhile. This cd and every sublime cd make up the greater portion of what I listened to for a very long time in my canmore days.

Lagwagon: Hoss- This is one of the most quintessential pop punk cds of all time. Each Lagwagon cd is is good but as with a lot of bands it is again, for different reasons. Hoss however hits all the highs a pop punk cd is supposed to hit and does so in style. It is fast many times angry and and I will admit whiny(but hey punk is built on whinnying about things that bug you) yet at the same time it captures a certain feeling and attitude in such a perfect ways as for it to shine through above everything else. I know alot of people who would put such albums as blink-182 dude ranch or maybe green day dookie, but again I say none of them for me really managed to catch with as much style the attitude that pop punk was built around.

NOFX: The longest Line, The War on Errorism- I know this may seem like a rather odd choice to a lot of people(not NOFX but the NOFX cds I chose) but I can't help it. The Longest Line wass always my favorite NOFX album despite its length. Yet the War on Errorism is an album that came along at a time when it was sorely needed. Punk or at least a lot of the Punk on such labels as epitaph and fat wreck chords was become progressively safer and acquiring either a more metal sound or a more indie sound. Along comes NOFX and puts out a fast scathing angry and didI say fast Album. It was like a breath of fresh air after being in a hotbox for to long. The first two songs alone are worth the price of the whole cd. I really feel this cd helped remind a lot of people how good Fast angry punk with distinguishable(key word being distinguishable) lyrics could be. I am so tired of bands who claim to have a message in their lyrics that just belt them out the the point where you cant even hear if he is saying anything at all or just trying to clear his throat really loudly.

Murder By Death: What is left of them and what will they become- This is the best Concept album ever. There it is I laid it down dispute it if you will but I have a zombie western in my corner. We will eat and shoot all doubters. I can't really say anymore then zombie western if that doesn't grab your attention then maybe you should check your pulse.

Boys Night Out: Trainwreck- following the best concept album is the second best concept album. It is dark it has a dead wife and amputated hands as well as enough melodic moments to swoon your 80 year old grandmother. For people who think Thursday, Thrice and such bands are the pinnacle of (gahh hate this term but) Screamo just kill your depressed self already or better yet do it to this album because it is way better.

Tom Waits: Blood Money- Ok this one IS for all you who are depressed and paranoid. It captures those feeling to a tee. With such lyrics as, "the river of the world is misery, so everybody row", you really can't go wrong. It is gravely and dirty and makes normal people grate their teeth in anxiety.

ok wow this is going to not only take a while but it really makes me want to sit down and listen to some albums so yeah this isn't even close to be being done so don't think that this is all or that this are in any way shape or form in some actual numbered list. It is simply the albums I think people should listen to as a way of making their life more complete as I think of them and find the energy to write them down. This is not it and if it was I would hope that all of you would scoop out my inner ear with a spoon. So there you have it the beginnings to my version of the musical bible. Comment, critique, call me fucking insane just give reasons you shallow maggot eaters.

I am writing this out to see how much sense once I see it written down. It is an idea of Nietzsche's.

Through time all philosophers have been trying to create a reality in which to live. The basis for all their philosophies is ethics. It is through the application of ethics that philosophers describe how the world is to be viewed. They define what has value and by defining what has value they also define what is not of value. Once their values have been accepted it is their reality in which one lives.

So what happens if each person instead of relying on someone else to provide those values creates them their selves. Would we see a great difference in the values that people come to or would people generally come to about the same conclusions. Would their be a consensus on certain base values or would they be wildly different.

THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN

There is a God and he is a Boys fan. The title has been picked up by Dynamite Entertainment and will soon be back on the shelves. This is such good news I wish all of you could see the smile that this has put on my face, but since you can't well fuck you.

The last week and a bit have been one of truth. I have had to reconcile myself to certain unavoidable truths. The sinking in and settling of things I wanted to avoid, but none the less are true. In any case it was at the same time crushing and freeing. So I haven't exactly been up to writing the last little bit. Well I am back and I find myself in front of this comp on yet another Wednesday, and much like last Wednesday I have another stack of new comics. This week like last week was another winner.

The Dark tower
This week saw the first release in the Dark tower comics series. I have been anxiously waiting for this comic now for a while. I was a huge fan of Stephen Kings books and just hope that this series will keep up to the same quality, and after this first issue it certainly looks like it will.The story flows much as one would hope it would and the language of the original is maintained by all star writer Peter David. The art, god the art is fucking phenomenal. Each panel just oozes detail and the expressions on each characters face are amazing. Now it is just a matter of seeing if this high level is maintained.




















The New Avengers #27
Can you say splash pages!!! Man this was a quick read. It went down so fast I had to go back and read it again. This series looks like it is going to be very good. I mean this first post civil war issue is chalk full of ninjas, ninjas, and more ninjas. It was a veritable smorgasbord of crazy ninja action. Then to top it all off the new avengers pop up and we get to see the new team in action for the first time. It always helps of course having Elektra as the antagonist of this arc. I was hesitant about picking this one up as I am trying to cut back on some titles but jesus after this I just can't cut it.

this week there wasn't a shitty comic to be found. So lets just jump right in.

First of we have a new comic by Garth Ennis put out by indie label Avatar called The Chronicles of Wormwood. After the first reading I have to say HOLY SHIT. The premise for this comic is the anti-christ(our protagonist Danny Wormwood) has returned to earth as has jesus(simply Jay, and he is even black) again. Unfortunately for both Lucifer and God both have turned their backs on their fathers and chosen to choose their own paths. In Wormwoods case he has put off the whole Armageddon thing and instead decided to let humanity choose its own way. He is know a TV executive putting out such great shows as Secret Santa which has baby vultures eating chopped liver off cock. A sure fire winner, and it is, he is doing fairly well for himself. Jay on the other hand has decided that this time around he is not going to suffer and die for our sins, instead he is going to stick around and make sure we don't pervert his ideas of peace and love. In any case the two of them are good drinking buddies. So there is the set up and dear god the whole thing reads so well I mean shit I laughed out loud reading this comic. As with any Ennis comic this one looks like it will a character driven story and our good friend the anti christ even has a cool sidekick who just happens to be a talking rabbit. I know it all sounds a lil weird and just plain crazy but trust me if you like any other Ennis titles you will fucking love this, and if you don't go out there and find some taste.



Next up we have the conclusion to the Annihilation series. This comic had everything I was hoping for as far as the end of this series went. We had the final battle between Nova and Annihilus the Kree finally taking the fight to the annihilation wave and the the Silver Surfer once again the Herald of Galactus. Once again the most impressive part of this comic was the amazing cover art. each one has been an incredible piece of art worth the price of the comic alone.






Daredevil #93
what more can be said really. This series is just fucking amazing. The art is dark and moody just like the main character. The story is so full of emotion and betrayal. Here we have the end of the whole saga of Matt Murdoch being outed as Daredevil. His secret is semi safe once again and he can finally get back to practicing law and kicking ass in his spare time. Of course with DD things are never that easy and in the end have the set up for the next arc. Matt is a married man but he still can't let go of the of the love of his life Karen Page. He finds himself so conflicted and torn. I love it the man is such a fucking tragic character. His life never seems like it is on the up and up and if it ever does bullseye is always waiting in the wings to knock his knees out from under him. I just can't day enough about this series it always leaves me with a weird feeling in my stomach. You want DD to do well but life just keeps shitting on his head, I can sympathize with that.

come back soon oh yeah and FUCK YOU DC

Well my favorite ongoing title was just canceled a week before the new issue was set to come out. The Boys was a new creator owned series written by legend Garth Ennis(Hellbalzer, Preacher, The Punisher to name a few) and penciled by Derrick Robertson of Transmetropolitan fame. They had put out 6 issues of a story that was described as one that was going to out Preacher Preacher. Those of you who have read Preacher will know that is a pretty tall order and for those of you who don't know what I am talking about get off your ass and read that story. It wont change your life or anything but it will put a big shit eating grin on your face. In any case in 6 issues we saw the beginnings of a story that had the potential to do justice to such a bold claim but again in only six issues you cant really say they did. Albeit it was very very graphic as far as the overall content went. I mean shit we had super heroes chain fucking whores who had to use a crazy drug just to keep their wombs from exploding, we had a hamster come out of a dead super heroes ass, we had the newest female member of the Seven(A Justice League parody) having to suck off all the male members if she wanted in. The list goes on. It was a dirty kinda depressing story about how absolute power corrupts absolutely. It really looked like it was going to go somewhere and had just begun to roll when DC pulled the plug. The content was just to much for them to handle and there was no way Ennis and Robertson were going to change their story. So one of the highest selling comics on th Wildstorm label a DC offshoot was canceled. The rights have been given back to Ennis and Robertson so that they can get it published elsewhere, but what a fucking joke on DC's behalf this is. You know when you let Garth Ennis loose on a story about super heroes with the build up of out Preachering Preacher you are going to get some crazy fucking shit. If you know that you are squeamish about content why even bother hiring them in the first place. All it really means is that all us fans now have to wait a while before they can find a new publisher and start putting this out again. Lord knows they are lining up to get this title as it is already an established money maker and all the hype that will come from this. So once again FUCK YOU VERY MUCH DC. You have shown that you are not only classless but are willing to censor work or cut it entirely if it doesn't conform to your narrow view.

Just finished my first mid term and I think things went well. That and I got the opportunity to call Rousseau's ideas nonsense on stilts. HA take that Rousseau.

Well a productive day. I found a new hang out on Sundays to get my homework done, my work place(well I call it that but I haven't actually worked there in months). It is closed on Sundays so it is quite, there is lots of food to keep me happy, and enough caffeinated beverages to keep me motivated. It was great, just what I needed. I managed get all my reading done and even a little review. So I feel set and ready for my midterm tomorrow. After studying I decided to go visit my old buddies the ducks up at beacon hill park. So with some crusts of bread off I went. It was pretty relaxing in the sun with all the ducks around me but at the same time a feeling of melancholy stole over me. What can I say it just isn't the same when you do it alone. So leaving with a heavy heart I went down to the comic shop to bemoan the loss of my favorite ongoing monthly title The Boys. It is always fun going into Legends be it Gareth or Loyd working I always wind up hanging out and talking for good while. Basically just shooting the shit. Then it was off to 360 skate shop to finally get myself some much needed bolts for my deck. I figure with the good weather we have been having and well all the new alone time I have been having I figure what better what to keep my mind busy then to abuse my body on the concrete again. So thats just what I did. I got home set it all up borrowed my roommates Ipod and off I went. It felt good to on the wheels again.

well I am at home doing some much needed studying for a midterm I have on Monday and my ex girlfriend is out at a party. Man do I feel low right now. I know it shouldn't bother me. I mean we are friends now and we still at least have that. But what can I say it does. This little nagging voice in the back of my head telling me she is in the arms of some other guy right now, even though that probably isn't even true. Why is it bothering me so much, why can't I just let go. It was a good run and I have memories I wouldn't trade for the world. We are still friends so I guess I couldn't ask for anymore more in a break up. Ahh it feel like little maggots eating away at my insides. You can't see them but you just can't ignore them either. Eating away slowly little by little taking all the pieces of you away. It isn't as if I have been just sitting around mopping either. I mean I have been going out and have been having fun with people that I didn't feel I could while I was in a relationship. I just hope she doesn't feel as weird about this as I do because it isn't a good feeling. I guess with time it will fade it just sucks right now.

made a sacrifice of paradise on the alter of my ego
threw to the fire the one beautiful thing in my life
and watched it turn to ashes in front of my face
I could have stopped I could have listened
but my so called pride seemed more important

so now I wake from dreams of me and you
to find myself alone in this big bed again
makes me want to go back to sleep
where I can still see your black dress
fall against your white neck
the feel of your breath against my chest
as we hold each other through the night

well I guess this is growing up
learning that all good things come to an end
and what it is like to only care for you as a friend
that there is more to life then just love
I just hope that as I grow the pain will fade
because right now getting caught in a thresher
would feel better then this

ashes ashes we all fall down

Ok another Wednesday another batch of new comics. I think from now on I am going to make it a regular feature to review the comics that I buy. So with no further ado. This weeks batch consists of Wolverine #50 which brings us a new writer and artist to the title. Criminal #4 the ongoing noir heist story brought to us by Brubaker. The Return, a civil war tie ion which brings back on old Marvel favorite. Moonknight #7 which is his first civil war tie in. X-Factor #15 a title that has yet to have a bad issue. Punisher War Journal #3 still dealing with civil war. Hellblazer #228 wrapping up the whole empathy engine story arc. Lastly the first issue in the Silent War.

Wolverine #50
Thank god that we have a new writer and artist. The last creative team that was doing this title was well below par. Here though we have some of the most intense art I have seen in a Wolverine comic well ever. Everything is so crisp Sabertooth has never looked meaner. There are many blood splatters in this issue and they all look good. This is something that can make or break the art in a comic for me and here it comes off looking like you might get some on your hands just turning the pages. As for the writing it was a well paced story and it looks like we are finally going to get the whole story as far as Sabertooth and Wolverine goes. The banter between the two old rivals was fiitng and none of it seemed out of character especially the scene where Wolverine barges in on Sabertooth drinking beer and watching the spice channel. This one gets 5 rereads out of 5 for the ending alone.

Criminal #4
I love noir. I cant get enough of these types of stories. From the flawed and twisted main characters to the dirty and conniving well not bad guys but badder guys. This story just keeps giving and giving. Each issue seems to go so fast a fast pace and enough plot twists to keep your grandmother in knots. If anyone liked Casablanca or the Maltese Falcon read this fucking comic. Dark and dirty just the way I like it

The Return
Well I have to say I found this comic not only boring but kinda stupid. It is a civil war tie and as the title foreshadows we have the return of an old Marvel character everyone thought dead, Captain Marvel. Well I say blah the issue features Captain Marvel brought back to life through a time warp caused by the heroes trying to access the negative zone. So it is not like he was miraculously brought back to life he just time warped so that he didn't die from cancer but is still going to. Whoopie cant wait till that happens. Anyway he is the overlord of the negative zone prison and it looks like he is going to have fight all the anti reg heroes that are trying to bust up and out of there. I gotta say I cant really stand the pro reg side so anybody siding with them gets the stink eye from me to begin with but a long dead hero here to save the day, weak. The other half of the issue was showing the Sentry and why he decided to join the pro reg side. Again don't like the pro reg side and I already didn't like the Sentry, I mean come on "The power of a thousand exploding suns." LAME! so yeah this comic was a bust don't waste your money and if you are reading civil war don't worry this one isn't needed to understand what is going on.


Moonkight #7
Well I have been enjoying this comic mostly for the art and in this issue we aren't let down. The scene where Moonkight is beating a baddy to a pulp with a piece of scrape wood as spidy looks on in horror is amazing. Right down to the blood covering the wood and dripping off. This issue though didn't do much as far as the story goes. It was a civil war tie in so I guess thats why. I just felt let down though it was mostly just Moonkight wandering around trying to get people to fix things for him. This story really needs to pick up because with the artist soon to be changing I need a reason to keep buying it.

X-Factor #15
I love this comic. I was never a big X-Factor fan but the new team and the dynamic between them is great. This comic revolves all around the deep characterization of everyone. Each issue so far has been great and moved the characters along at a good pace but at the same time letting them express themselves enough to make them all believable. The art in this comic is not something that I focus on as it seems like every week we have a new artist so as long as it doesn't suck and the writing maintains this high level I will keep enjoying it.

The Hereld of the Apocolypse

what else can you say?

I have to say I am really enjoying reading Machiavelli. I would describe him as one of the first existential political philosophers. Here is a passage I read today to illustrate my point.

"But since my intention is to say something that will prove of practical use to the inquirer, I have thought it proper to represent things as they are in a real truth, rather then as they are imagined. Many have dreamed up republics and principalities which have never in truth been known to exist; the gulf between how one should live and how one does live is so wide that a man who neglects what is actually done for what should be done moves towards self-destruction rather then self-preservation."

So rare is it to find a passage like this in philosophy that when I read it had to stop and read it again. This is the kind of thinking that made me want to get into philosophy in the first place. It is easy to create false worlds and systems of living that will give the results that one wishes to see, but it is far harder to take the world as it is and offer suggestions about how to deal with it. Which is precisely what Machiavelli is trying to do. Much the same as Sarte and other existential philosophers were attempting. One must live in this world so why not deal with issues that are focused on this world.

I really love how that whole passage could be seen as a not so subtle dig at Plato and his fantastic other world creations. It is all well and good to lay out how a republic out to be created and the types of people that ought to be created to live in it but what use is that to us who do not live in that fantasy. It is far better to stick to being-in-the-world.

This is another reason why a lot of people criticize Machiavelli for being fickle and hypocritical with his philosophy, but that is because that is how the world is. It is always changing and is never the exact same as it used to be. This is why he will say one thing and then go on to say the exact opposite a few passages later. One has to deal with the world as it is before you not as you would have it be. Hence the lack of true answers in Machiavelli and instead just suggestions and questions, which are far more valuable then simple answers.

Anyway props to Machiavelli for being as far as I can tell the first existential political philosopher.

I believe we are in a time of flux and change. The foundations of our beliefs, the very things that tell us how the world is, are collapsing. It is a time of corruption and destruction. Because of this our foundational ideas are up for grabs. The status quo is something that no one can agree on and therefore new ideas are needed. The problem with this is that new ideas are often seen as strange and unusable until they are actually put into practice. That and the fact that coming up with new ideas is very very hard. I think this is one of the reasons I am so frustrated and angry a lot of the time. I can see that destruction is in order which is the easy part, and I also know that new ideas are called for, and I want to be one of the people that comes up with some of these new ideas. As I said though truly new ways of thinking and viewing the world are hard to come up with and then put into practice. Anyway this is just something that I have been brooding on for awhile and needed to see set down.

what can I say I don't really dig on tarot but I always love the look of the death card.

well back to class again after a bout of sickness. BAHH I say. not much new to say today except it was new comic day!!! It was small haul this week only three new ones but hey at least they where free. Ah yes I love my local comic shop sooooo much. So this week I picked up Ghost Rider #7, Sandman Mystery Theater, and what I think is the last Fantastic Four Civil War tie in. I am really starting to look forward to Civil War being done because a lot of the titles I am picking up that tie in aren't that good. Fantastic Four is a prime example. I don't like them at all. The characters all kinda suck and the stories are, well, weak. I will be glad to stop buying them. FUCK THE FANTASTIC FOUR. Thank god the other two this week were amazing. I can't say enough about Sandman. I am really enjoying this comic and the art is definitely not your standard fair but it really gives the feel of grittiness I imagine Afghanistan to posses. That and the story is just sucking me in like a good dream if you will excuse the pun. What can I say I am a sap for anti heroes. Now Ghostrider what a classic anti hero. With this new series we get the old Ghostrider back and he is pitted against the ultimate evil the Devil. So motorbikes, flaming skeletons, and Satan, HELLS YEAH. Oh yeah and for the last two issues we have had a guest artist that used to draw on one of my fav comics Hellblazer. It has been a nice treat. So two out of three ain't bad.

picking myself up off the floor
it is so hard especially alone
but I have to stand on my own two feet
because I have been dragging on yours
for far to long

put my heart back in my chest
and look towards the future
put one foot in front of the other
and keep climbing out of the hole
that I've dug myself into

I am sorry

well this about all I am listening to right now so I thought I would share it. That and I can't be fucked writing much of anything at the moment so this is all you are going to get.

Alkaline Trio

BLOODIED UP
You don't say much of anything
When questioned of your whereabouts
And I just can't see through the evidence
It's evident
It's right in front of me in black and white and red
And I don't believe in much of anything
I'm glad I have people I call friends
If it was up to me I'd never have to miss you
It's for the better in the bitter end
I guess you'd know the best
You have every right to be
This appalled with me
Join the club

I signed up a long time ago and I know how you feel
And when you decked me
You left me knocked out on the floor
I came to bloodied up, but you weren't around
I picked my teeth off the ground like they'd been there before


Goodbye Forever
Take your wings outside, you can't fly in here
Besides, a purple sky is better soaring for you my angel
You're angel, you little devil
As for me I'll stay inside
I'll be just fine and I'll watch from the window.

Cannot categorize the nature of this sickness
a miracle that you're alive
Stuck to the roof of my mouth with a staple.
Remember last april when we saw u.s. maple?
Somehow the singer showed the fireside exactly how i feel.

And we say goodbye, and go underground
Or up towards the sky, up in smoke, burnt down to size.
At least we're still friends.
At least we're still alive.

Take your wings outside,
No use for them in here.
Bad luck to open inside, work like umbrellas, like a broken mirror.
It's getting clearer
The end is closer than ever before and you'll want nothing more
Then your head hits the floor, and you're lost in the darkness.

And we say goodbye and go underground
Or up towards the sky,
Up in smoke, burnt down to size
At least we're still friends
At least we're still alive

And we say goodbye and go underground
Or up towards the sky,
Up in smoke, burnt down to size
At least we're still friends
At least we're still alive

This Is Getting Over You
Today I woke up,
Younger than I've been in years
Not concerned with what's outside
And peers, I don't have any
No one is my equal because I'm the king of rain
Controlling with my moodswings,
Throw a thunderstorm your way, way
Drowning girls is a game I play

Today I woke up,
More awake than I have felt in years
Not concerned with anything, no tears
Well I'm done with that shit
No one is your equal because you're the queen of pain
Controlling with my mood temps,
Staring at my shoes while running away, way

Drowning myself is a game I play
Drown myself away
Drown myself away, away
Goodbye

This is getting over you
This is getting over you
This is getting over you
This is getting over you

This is getting over you
(I'm not tired of getting over you)
This is getting over you
(I'm not tired of getting over you)
Getting over you
(I'm not tired of getting over you)
This is getting over you
(I'm not tired of getting over you)
This is getting over you
(I'm not tired of getting over you)
Getting over you
(I'm not tired of getting over you)
This is getting over you
(I'm not tired of getting over you)
This is getting over you.

MY STANDARD BREAK FROM LIFE
I've got a regular problem
So my standard break from life is in order
I'm having trouble making sentences
I'm older but I don't feel any smarter
You see I don't know what I said to you
And now you're pissed at you know who
And I guess I deserve it
I wish I could waste my time without wasting all your time
I try to leave a good impression

But it's hard when my obsession's in a wine glass
And when you're only 23
It's not attractive to complain about your sore back
Yes I can bitch until my eyes are blue
And you're in bed with someone new
And I guess you deserve him

Wish I could waste my time without wasting all your time
You say I'm fixable
A classic case, lack of will
I say I don't wanna try
I'd rather stay here all night

I've got a motivation problem
So my standard break from life is getting longer
Spent over 30 hours in this bed
In two days, I guess I could've phoned her
But now that I'm awake
I'd rather take a drink
And walk down to the lake
And beg the sky for lightning bolts
I can't waste my time without wasting all your time
You say it's fixable
A classic case, lack of will
I say I don't wanna try
I'd rather sit here all

FUCK

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

And thats all I have to say about that right now

IT IS A FUCKING TRAP AND I KNEW IT!

once the dentist has you in that chair they can do anything. It turns out I have really good bone strucutre and my teeth are doing pretty good, but they want to send me down to the other office to have some crazy full head x-rays just to make sure my wisdoms aren't going to be a problem. This is what I mean I just wanted to go for a check up and a cleaning, which I got, but of course they need you to keep coming back so they can make money. So now I have two more dentist appointments booked. AHHHH and I hate the dentist.

Well I fucking knew it. It snowed last night which is great. I love snow and the feel that a blanket of the white stuff gives. Kinda like a big blank canvas just waiting for meaning to be etched into it. Which is something I defiantly need. Of course this is Victoria though, and so the buses have gone all wonky and getting anywhere takes a while. So due to my dentist appointment and classes I am unable to go downtown and get my new comics today. Ah well you win some you lose some right. Anyway just killing a few minutes before I go to the dentist so if there are any spelling mistakes it is because my hand is shaking.

walking downtown and everything reminds me of her
on the corner looking up at a window
this is where she used to live
nights spent in that cramped apartment
on the bed couch keeping warm
the ghost that lived there and the creepy landlord
The run down mansion of a house the photo hut
where I first learned her name
and the bus where I first saw her face
every where I go I see her face and hear her voice
the sidewalks and the buildings all hold memories
that they throw at me no matter how much I protest
yeah and there is nothing I can do because
everything reminds me of her

Well fuck. I have a cold. It seems like every year when I get back from xmas holidays I manage to get sick. So I spent the day on the couch drinking orange juice and dayquil trying to do some ethics homework. BAHH. All I can say is I am glad tomorrow is Wednesday. NEW COMICS!! Of course with every good thing in my life there is an equal shitty thing to take its place, as seems to be the case of late. The shitty thing for tomorrow is the DENTIST. I hate the dentist in fact I would go so far as to say I have a fear of the dentist. Kinda hard to admit that but what can I say my heart rate soars just being in the office. Anyway hopefully I will have no disastrous news to report tomorrow.

well I have a disease and I know the cure
but its impossible to obtain
so instead I fight the symptoms in never ending battle
fill my insides with liquid numbness
till I see two of you staring back at me
and when I wake I am alone
with more pain then the day before
and I cant wait till the night
to feel the darkness closing in
where I feel most at home

people tell us lies all day
but we believe and never question
death surrounds us
as crows have a feast
yet no one offers a hand
choose not see or get involved
the path of apathy leading everyone
to a silent death that has no meaning
until humans are able to confront
the reality they see with the words they are told
we will waste away digging our own shallow graves
as some one smarter then me has said
between the idea and the reality falls the shadow

watching the show
which means you are there with me
eyes closed rolling to the music
I open them up and look to my right
its you in your stunning green shirt
but then my mind focuses
and what I want is replaced by what is
it isn't you but it is your shirt
and that makes me feel more hollow
there is so much more for us
but we're not talking
and all I am left with
are these false illusions
pieces of you but never the real thing

Well it is amazing what changing the environment you live in can do. I had a shitty couch and a shitty kitchen and my room needed an overhaul. Well I now have two new couches a clean(oh god it is such a difference, and between my roommates girlfriend and I we can make sure cam keep it that way) Kitchen and now have two separate closets with bookshelves and hangers for clothes. Oh yeah and a new tv. But jesus to just be comfortable again is amazing. I actually feel like I can have friends over now and not feel embarrassed. So I did. I had an old friend I used to work with come over and hang out play a few video games listen to some music and just basically hang out. Now I am just finishing off a snack and then it is a comic and off to bed.

A fitting end to a busy weekend.

waves of sound washing over me
the rise and fall like the tide
building to a crescendo
every nerve in my body firing
lost in the soundscape

like a river always moving forward
sometimes in a great rush
like rapids whipping up a frenzy
and other times barely moving an inch
like a pond on a hot summer day
vast like the ocean
and yet tiny like a puddle
wearing everything down
never letting an obstacle bar its way
does water ever move backwards

Snowboarding

the feel of the wind blowing across my face
whipping my jacket around me like a cape
breathing deep the cold air clearing my head
eyes on alert looking for trouble
knees bent ready to spring
the feel of total freedom as I carve down the mountain
the world laid out below my feet
never want to stop
here nothing else matters it is just me and the steeps
a zen like state
an empty mind
just being

it hurts so much
to be apart so long
I know the things that were killing us slowly
and all I can say is I have learned and am learning
will that be enough
do I still hold a place in you heart
I'll give you everything I have
leave my cold bloody heart on the table
you can either take it on your hands
make it beat once more
or crush it and let the blood spill to the floor

So I am in class as I write this waiting for the teacher to show up, so we'll see how this goes.
I am really glad to be back in school. I love the atmosphere here. That and I can already tell at least a few of my class will be ripe with opportunities to go for the jugular and smack out some knees. Haha I am in this class for sure, bonus. hmmmmmmm ok gotta pay attention but remember to think about authority for a while.

well back in Victoria, and I have to say it feels good. I enjoyed my time back in Canmore but it just isn't where I belong anymore. I am going to miss the feeling of the mountains looking down on me though. There is just something majestic about having those towering behemoths keeping a silent vigil over you. Anyway back to the grindstone tomorrow, and I already have homework. Ah well at least I am going to have a big sack of new comics to read. Oh and if a certain somebody is reading this your phonogram will be in the box. Well hope everybody had a great holidays and is ready for the start of what I think will be a very different year.